A Family of Five

When I was pregnant with Ben, I was very emotional (even for a pregnant woman) that this was the last_______.  We had kind of planned on two..... and it made me sad. I felt like I was SUPPOSED to have three.  Infect it to my core. So I would kind of tease my hubby from time to time and we finally decided that if Baby 2 was a boy we would be open to a Baby 3 but if it was a girl then we were done.  Something about the possibility of having 3 female children terrified us slightly. :-)
Ben's ultrasound fell during JM's busy season so 1 went alone and had the Dr. Write it down and put it in an envelope. Aaahhhh, power! But I didn't abuse it. I drove straight to CropMax West Union to open it with JM. I let him open it and could tell by the smile on his face. He said "It's a boy". I laughed and said "yay. We can have a third!". 
Ben came into the world and our life was complete. He came a week early but decided at the last minute to throw the E-brake, or at least his head did anyways! Grandpa Ben was able to see his namesake. In fact, the night he passed we snuck both Sam and Ben onto his hospital floor just to see him. I didn't know it would be our last meeting on this Earth but I didn't want to chance it. Ben was right about 3 months but we can tell him all the stories.
I had that feeling again . Ben was  little over a year. When my gal pals and I would talk about babies, I had that "urge". Call me crazy, but I wanted to go through the birthing "process" again. Yikes, seems crazy right. I finally talked JM into giving it a shot. I think we both thought it was a long shot. We weren't doing the monitoring of ovulation or anything. It had taken awhile with the other two. If it was meant to be, then it would.  You know that old saying, It only takes once?
Throughout John's entire pregnancy, I was never sad that this would be the last time I carried a child, felt him move, had that glow, etc. It felt good. Now with John, I don't get overly emotional that this will be the last baby I breastfeed, the last time I will see a "first". I feel confident. I feel good.
Some days, I wonder why God tapped me and said "You shall have three". IT IS HARD. Having two kids is not twice the work. It was exponentially harder. Having three is even more exponentially harder, if that is mathematically possible. But it's GOOD. The days when Samee shows her love in the sweetest of ways, when Ben actually acts like he has a baby brother haha, when JM is playing with the older two while I rock the baby, life seems complete. Those are the moments I feel fulfilled.